Title: Another Chance
Pairing: A/J, C/S implied
Category: angst, romance?
Warnings: Suicide of a major character
Archive: AJCS, SSS
Disclaimer: Not mine
For Christine, love ya hon.
I should have known better. I *did* know better. But I couldnít helpit. I always loved my God, despite everything. It wasnít that much of asurprise that I fell in love with him too.
It was just all so unexpected. I mean, I knew that Ares took hispleasure from anyone dedicated to him when the whim struck him. I justnever expected the whim to strike me.
But none of it was how I expected. The first time was, oh Gods, it wasamazing. He was passionate and yet gentle and he actually asked mypermission. I never understood why. Didnít he know I was already his?But he did, and in his own way, he asked every time we were together.
Two months of pure joy, I suppose itís more than a lot of people get.Sweet, tender moments when we were alone; hot, hard passion after heídbeen in battle; laughing silently together, trying not to wake Xena andGabrielle.
Trouble is, it ended. Oh, I knew it would; no matter how many times Ilet myself fantasise about how he was different with me, that it meantsomething. I just wish it hadnít ended so soon.
Sometimes, I wish it hadnít started at all. I didnít have a lot to livefor before I fell in love with him, now I have nothing; just memoriesas I wait for death to come. Itís funny, the waterís actually tingedred. I didnít think I had so much blood. At least my wrists donít hurtanymore. Itís cold and itís dark, but I wonít be empty anymore.
Stupid, fucking, selfish, little bastard! How could you? Joxer, damnit, how could you leave me? I know I broke your heart, but you werenítthe only one, Jox.
My beautiful Joxer. I missed you, you idiot, I missed you, but at leastyou were still alive. At least I could see you, smell you, hear you.
But how could I stay with you? I love you, you stupid, sweet, sensitiveidiot. Didnít you have any idea how much danger that could have put youin? I tried to save you, but I killed you.
I hate you, Joxer, I love you so much.
Did he really think he could hide it from me? God of Love aside, Iímhis son. I knew the moment he fell, knew the moment he made thedecision to stop seeing Joxer, no matter how much it hurt him, knew themoment his heart shattered when Joxer died.
Strife is terrified, he canít work out why Ares is *so* quiet. If heísnot fighting, making war or baiting Hercules and Xena, he just sitsthere, in his temple, silent. But I canít tell Strife. I know wepromised no secrets, but this isnít my secret to tell. Well, maybe,just once.
I have a favour to call in.
I shouldnít, I know. But I just canít help it, canít help watchingthem. Who knew Ares could be so sweet and loving? I, certainly, wouldnever have guessed. I nearly laughed at Cupid when he told me what hewanted, except he was deadly serious. And Love overcomes even Death.
And Tartarus, who am I to complain? Not only do I no longer owe Cupid,but Ares now owes me. For now though, my reward is watching Ares andJoxer. And of course having one up on my dear brother. Zeus canít workout why Ares spends *so* much time down here. I think itís making him alittle nervous. Well I, for one, am not going to tell him.
Broken links or other errors can be sent to Carrie
. Suggestions are also welcome.